Stress and the Scale--a new low, and some hopeful news...

I'm feeling a bit better, anxiety-wise, after getting sleep two nights in a row. Hallelujah!

Been so busy, between some stuff we had to do--job searching, taking company info notes for hubby; decluttering in case we need to move; and attending Supercon, which we had paid for BEFORE the lay-off and I thought I'd not enjoy, but it helped distract me, so worked fine.

I only had moments of that bone-rattling, shaking, nerves and palpitations anxiety/panic over the last couple days. Mostly, been praying, busy, and even danced 2 hours last night at the Supercon concerts.

Thank you so much, those who have prayed for us. I appreciate that more than these typed words could express, as I believe in the power of corporate prayer--prayers of like mind, of agreement.

Well, the good news is two-fold. 1. I'm at a total new low: 176.6  Weird, so weird. I stepped on the scale like 5 times thinking it had to be a blip. But no, five times it gave the same reading. That makes for 122.4 lbs lost total.

Good news #2 is that hubby had an interview today and they liked him enough for them to ask for him to come in for round 2 of interviews. Obviously, I researched the company for him, and it's a good one, a local one, and it would be a huge blessing for him to get the position. Please pray!

I hope this week sees you all doing well...and better..and best! I'm sorry I've been so busy that I haven't stopped by my usual blogging fatfighter-pal blogs. Forgive my absence. I hope to be back encouraging y'all soon. But a zillion things have my attention right now.

God bless...

After the rant, a nice lil quote...so go overcome something today...be a creator, innovator, overcomer. No wallowing or self-defeating actions, k?

Not much to offer today. Feel a little normal peeve at a plumbing issue, but the plumber should come Friday... and I made a doc appointment for Friday to get new Rx for Singulair...my "no Zyrtec" experiment was an epic fail, with runny nose and itchy skin, so back on it..oh, well, we tried...and the endo called to say she'll have me do a lipid profile...and I have cleaning to do. So, see? Boring.

On the plus side, doing fine off the steroids, breathing-wise. Zyrtec still necessary. I keep the hope one day it will be able to go, too.

Hope my rant yesterday was helpful for those who needed it.

Here's a nice quote for today that I pilfered from Melting Mama, who had it in her blog post today:

What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment.  And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new.  Right now.  
~Author Unknown

 I am the one who decides today what I will be today and tomorrow. But mostly, RIGHT NOW.

Yes, we all have certain limitations, but one thing amazing people of all ages, health statuses, economic brackets, intellectual levels, educational levels have shown is that humans have the power to change, transform, break through barriers, heal, create, astonish, alter paradigms, innovate, and just plain overcome everything in their paths.

Whatever is your obstacle today...tell it to take a hike. It's an opportunity and a challenge, not a barrier. YOU are the main barrier. Overcome what is in you that doesn't believe you can do...IT. Whatever IT is.

I plan to overcome something dark or hard or mean or lazy or indulgent or fearful inside myself today.

You...you wanna, too?

Oh, I guess yesterday's rant was refreshing. :D

Wired from Sudafed, Some Assorted Thoughts on the Biggest Loser Show With Past Contestants/Winners, thoughts on losing and regaining, and on Thanksgiving....

Man, it's 4:40 AM here in Miami and I am not at all sleepy. I finally caved and took Sudafed today, two doses, one mid-afternoon, one at 11 PM. My respiratory passages are clearer, for sure, but I'm not getting Zzzzzzs.

I watched the reunion Biggest Loser show. Hubby watched part with me and said, "Seems like the ones who keep it off are the ones who make diet/exercise a mission, either with charity work or have endorsements that motivate them to stay thinner." Yep. Looks that way. There seems to be something in the ones who manage to mostly  maintain that keeps the exercise-diet fire going in their bellies in the months and years after leaving the TBL ranch.

It was a bit disheartening, a bit "yeah, expected it", a bit scary, a bit sad to see the winners of seasons past (except for Michelle A, and wonder why she didn't show up) file in. The heaviest being the one who won the first season, Ryan, who is back up to about 300 lbs. Then Matt Hoover, he's looking quite porky again, though nowhere as big as his first days on the show. And so forth. The most recent losers were the slimmest. Ali Vincent has made a career of fitness post TBL, so I don't understand why she was wearing that ungainly, loose outfit that made her look bigger than she is.

I wonder if the more recent winners were looking at the first two winners and thinking, "Oh-oh, I do not want that to happen to me!"

But the truth is, very few, very very very very very few weight LOSERS become weight loss MAINTAINERS. Regain is a huge, huge issue. Whether it's diet. Whether it's gastric bypass. Whether it's lap band. Whether it's VLCD or Clean Diet or Atkins or South Beach or Weight Watchers or eDiets...regain is far far far more common than maintain.  I've seen varying figures, but none are encouraging. Maybe 5 percent keep it off. Some say 2%. I don't know who's  right, but saying the 95% who lose then go on to regain is depressing as shit.

I have been following the blog of a person who inspired me, a person who lost  more than 100 lbs and looked faboo. That person is way off the wagon now and though weigh-ins are no longer updated, there has already been some recorded regain. It hurts to see it. Hurts cause, well, it could be a snapshot of any of us in the future. Lose....to regain.

Ryan. Matt. Suzy. Erik......you...me? Could we become Big Losers who turn into Big Regainers? The stats say yes.

Which is why I read books NOW on how to maintain. May seem nuts, but I bought two of them, and I read them along with diet cookbooks, diet motivational books, scientific books on causes and treatments of overeating and so forth. I want to look ahead with hope. I want to be one of the 2 or 5 percent who keep it off. So I read about those who maintain and how they do it.

Guess what. It's as hard as losing. In some ways harder, in some easier, but it's still hard. It still requires vigilance and discipline and not caving and not giving up.

Some of you are thinking, "Well, first I gotta lose it. It's a moot point if it's not gone first. Then worry about maintenance."

I don't think so. I think that understanding that the struggle never ends, that there isn't a skinny rainbow waiting with a pot of "always thin" gold and a fairy godmother to boink our disordered eating and cravings away with her wand. Not gonna happen. Some people do have a major switch flipped and lose and never regain and just do it and we marvel. They are not the majority.

For anyone thinking losing it is the battle, I think the TBL reunion show is a wake-up call. No. It's gonna still be hard. This does not end. Which is why Allan's challenges encouraging us to eat at goal weight caloric level are a great help. It shows us what must be, what MUST be, like it or not.

So, this Thanksgiving, I'm not pigging out. And if I do--no, I'm just not gonna. I choose not to. Well, if I make it to the dinner, given I can't sleep and am ill.

I am thankful that I am able to learn new habits and that I have this opportunity. I'm thankful that I can hope to be in the golden minority. I choose to have faith, because if we don't believe we CAN do it, then we won't. So, even if it's blind faith, faith against the numbers, faith against the stark reality, I choose to believe it's possible and I can do it.

I choose to focus on the fact that some folks on TBL kept it off and stayed alert and on top of their eating. Some succeed. SOME MAKE IT. Let's learn from the ones who do it year in and year out. They have something to teach us about discipline, changed habits, and sacrifice.

And that the grind never ends, so find a passion for it.

Be thankful for food, but be thankful for the ability not to have too much of it, not even on holidays.

Blessings on you all this Thanksgiving. God has been gracious and good to this country that brims with so much that is positive even in an economic downturn and time of war. Remember to thank Him for all the blessings on your table, in your heart and mind, around you in your loved ones, and out there in this cosmos. Pray for those who are less blessed.

If you have pretty good health, if you can normally breathe freely or walk unhindered or see and hear without impediment, be thankful. If you have a solid roof over your head and someone in your life who gives a damn about you, be thankful. If you have a job, be thankful. If you have people to help you if you do NOT have a job, be thankful. If you could afford a ham or turkey or tofurkey or whatever it is that is your piece de resistance, be thankful.

Thank you, Lord, for your graces and mercies and blessings.

Gracias....te doy gracias, mi Dios...

Remembering a Day of Tears, Anticipating the Days Without Tears

I don't want to feel what I felt on 9-11 of 2001. I don't want to feel how I felt the bleak weeks after. It's too awful and I am already tearing up typing this.

There's a painting by an artist I like a lot--Melanie Weidner--that LOOKS like how I FELT that day 9 years ago. It's called "Willing to Weep."  (at left)  (She has a lot of hope-inspiring work, so visit her online gallery if you're feeling really down over this day's memories.)

Broken. Cracked in the heart. Spilling out. Psychically damaged. Unable to function.

We waste a lot of life and lives hating. They hate us. We hate them. They kills us. We kill them. Young people snuffed out. Men and women, babies and old people--they all suffer because we humans have a propensity for violence, distrust, misunderstandings, jealousies, greed, lust, and ...hate.

Fortunately, we also saw on that bleak day and on those bleak weeks and months and years after the fall of the towers and loss of thousands of innocent lives that people can also be courageous, unselfish, compassionate, generous, merciful, and hopeful. And resilient.

We can learn and move on.

But that day, and those weeks, and these past years, have left scars on our soil, in our hearts, and in our minds--and even on the bodies of some who survived. We can still weep. This is a good thing. To forget is not always wise. To be unable to cry is...to be dead. To hope and long for healing and progress is to be alive.

On the anniversary of every painful event in my life, my favorite Bible verse comforts me. It keeps me looking to a better day, when all these terrible things will be a shadow left behind, a memory erased, because there is no room for hate or evil or bombs or wars in the World To Come. I asked them to read it at my mom's funeral 6 years ago, and I am thinking of it today as we remember the awful events, the awful sufferings, the terrible massacre that happened 9 years ago today:

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

--Revelation 21:4

Maybe that can comfort you, too.

Go comfort someone today in some way, small or large, via words or hugs or smiles or a note or by painting something for someone or by singing a song to someone or by a donation to a charity that assists the victims of war-torn lands and lands oppressed by the hate-filled and tyrannous . Pray that those who lost loves ones that day have comfort today. Pray that those who have lost loved ones in battles that followed 9-11 and continue to this day are comforted. Give comfort...and you get it.

Until our tears are wiped away forever....