Ready for Summer Update #3: Not Very Motivated, Not Really Wanting to Blog, Stressed, Some thoughts on the SetPoints, Doc Appt, and Not Quitting. :D

Note: I started to write this Monday, my challenge weigh-in day, and then just...dropped it. Gosh, I just have not felt like blogging. Anyway, time to finish and publish~~~

Weight: 179.4

Waist: 34.75

Last week: 177.8
Waist: 34.75

As you can see, nearly 2 pounds up. And how frustrating is that?

Doesn't help I'm into the salty stuff again: very salty take-out chicken, very salty takeout dressings on salad, very salty parmeson on salads. But I cannot discount the calories. It doesn't take much above 1600 for me to see rebounds.

I am so not in a good mood. I wake up feeling demotivated. I try to perk up, cheer myself, do motivating things..and just fall flat. I'm in a funk.

I didn't meet my exercise, caloric, or weight loss goals.

I only got 2 cardio in (not four), but I did do two strengthening.
My fluids were fine.
Calories were, except for two days, over 1500 (under 2000)

Had a doc appt Friday, and my thyroid is still not optimal, so she put me on a higher dose of one of my two thyroid meds. (She raised the levothyroxine back in Feb. This time, we're upping the Cytomel.) Hopefully, this one is the winning combo. My temps are a bit higher (still not in the 98, but ranging up to 97.8, which is a great improvement over the 97.0 temps I was getting a lot up through Feb.)

Ready to take notes in the Endocrinologist's exam room

I take my notebook and pen to appts, take notes of vitals and what the doc suggests I do before next check up, etc. I was 182 on her scale (which is usually +3 to 4 lbs based on what I wear, and makes sense as I was roughly 178 on my scale at home) and blood pressure was fine. Office temp was 96.8, which was alarming, but the gal said that they count it about a whole point or more higher, as they use the dots (not standard thermometer), so that jives witih home temps. (Why don't they just use better quality thermometers, I wanna know?)

My battles in this five-pound range (177+ to 182+) is convincing me more and more about this setpoint stuff. Granted, there is some science behind it (go read research on it, not gonna list it here, and pubmed lets you read abstracts), but for me, it's been that whole experiential thing. (And observing it in some weight loss bloggers over the years). You reach a particular number, and it just doesn't wanna budge from that range.

You go down to your lower level, and you get hungry or something. You go back up, you calm down. YOu try to go down again: hungry. You go back up a few pounds: calm down.

I dunno, but seems to me it's like the brain saying: "We like it here. We're staying here. If you want to go lower, we're gonna fight it with hunger hormones and you will cave or you will just live with ongoing hunger."

This is what I seem to be in the midst of. And I don't like being hungry. One of the best tihngs about this last attempt at weight loss is that hunger has been minimal to nil on lower calories (which never was a reality for me in the past). I have not binged in, well, it will be two years come May. I have not had that raging hunger beast. It's been nice. And some days, I could go all day without eating and feel calm.

But now, when I get down to 177 point whatever, I start getting the, "Oh, i want...oh, I want...". To me, this is physiological, not psychological.

The psychological comes AFTER. When I get bummed that I hit that wall. The wall defeats me!

Well, I have not given up. I want to bust this wall down. I don't know how without having it rebound with hunger, despite trying all sorts of stuff so far in the last 6 or so months. I am not a wit's end...just near it. :D

The only NSV I can think of is that I didn't cave in to the hunger more. I really could have easily just...gone back to semi-binge mode. I was close...just the "I want, I want, i want."

The other stress issue is still present and I'm countering it with positive thoughts and trying to rein in my worrywart tendencies. I can only do what I can do...so I'm trying to be...proactive. :D

As far as Maren's mini-challenge: I failed. I only got through 1/2 of the challengers (though, granted, that was 20+, as this is a large challenge). I barely read my email and didn't blog, so going to so many blogs felt like it was adding to my load of stress. So, well, there it is.

So, goals for THIS week:

Weight: no more regain, begin to turn this back
Waist: no more, hopefully 34.5
calories: 1500 cap, and trying to do better with that.
Fluids: same, 10 glasses a day or more
Exercise: original goals--4 cardio, 2 strengthening.
Blogging: To not miss "by Monday" update, and to blog at least two more days to keep mind in the game.
Reading: try to figure out what to do about this setpoint issue that doesn't include massive hunger (ie, radical calorie reduction that I am NOT willing to do) or freaky theories (like ice baths, also not willing to do). If there is a solution, I'm on the hunt for it.  I may need to find a physician that specializes in metabolic issues, and see if I can get tested for the finer stuff going on (leptin, etc). More research.

I plan to stick out this challenge. I notice that week one's update had 59 links. Week two had 46 links . Week three has 42 so far, and that's including my late one. How many of us will be there at challenge's end? I hope MOST!


In that other project area: I've continued work on the decluttering, which was a major focus last week, and I threw out a total of 7 lawn and leaf bags of crap. The work continues to simplify my life (in many areas).

That's pretty much it. I would like to hear if any of y'all who've lost a lot of weight (like 50 or 70 lbs + ) have experienced this weird "stuck around a number" after a substantial loss, with hunger issues when a bottom is reached, rebound, etc.

And I hope you're all doing well, and way better than me, moodwise and frustration wise. Keep the faith, the hope, and never quit.

I won't.

God bless..

More "Shopping in My Closets"...piles and piles of stuff, some even from the early nineties!

I went through a bunch of stuff in the back room--clothes that I hadn't worn in a while. I made a big "donate pile" including some stuff still with tags on. I made a HUGE throw-out pile--clothes from size 24 on up to 30, most 26/28 and way too baggy. They're trash cause I don't donate stuff with wear or stains, natch.

Was sad to see some old fave girly chiffony tops that are too loose. Should have dug them out and worn them sooner.

Did find a possible Christmas or New Year top. A pretty blouse in my perfect style: 3/4 sleeves and Empire waist. It was a gift several years ago from my niece, back when I was about 280 or late 270s. Didn't fit. Now, fits nice. Very pretty black and white print with shiny beads in the high-waisted detail . Party-ready! I am gonna Woolite that baby and show it to my niece with a "Hey, I get to finally enjoy your gift!" Just need some nice smooth black slacks to go with it or a nice black at-to-above knee slimmish or A-Line skirt. I may have to hit the mall --Macy's, maybe--after all.

I found several hardly to never-worn size 18/20 athletic pants and size 22 denim leggings just starting to fall into "kinda loose" territory in the thighs, but otherwise wearable and comfy. Gonna wash em and wear em. Nice to have "new" stuff to wear.

I know some other challenge bloggers have been doing the "Lordy, need to find clothes that fit" thing. Maybe you, too, have back room or back-o-da-closet stashes. Get them out. Enjoy them before they stop fitting. :) Cause they' probably will stop fitting in a month or so.

Happy what's-left-of-Sunday.